After sili's lecture and she told whole squad to reflect ourselves.
During the giving of certificate to the retired NCOs.
When its wenqian turn , i mention her skirt was short and sili is unhappy.

After so long of reflections.
Its not CIs fault.
Its not wenqian fault.
But the fault lies on me.
I knew i shouldn't say this but i said it.
When its time to serious, i am not.
When we are having drills, i am always complaining on how tired i am .
When having water break , i will complain that the duration is too short.
When CIs scold our squad or me, i will show them face or what.

Whatever i do , whenever i do, nothings go into my brain.
Everything shows in my face or say out by my mouth.

Since this CCA is to train our discipline but i am not .
But from sec one till now , i learnt nothing .
I shouldn't have chose this cca.
I am the one who always give instinctive comments.
I don't care how people feel when i say them .
Its my fault to mention wenqian's skirt is short.
Its my fault to let the whole squad being scolded by the CIs because of this.
Its my fault to comment on people.
She is my senior , i have no rights in saying her.
Making her embarrassed .
Making her feel bad.
In front of so many juniors, i set a bad example.
So why do CIs promote me ?

People enjoys their cca.
They have fun.
but I dread going to cca every friday.
I always tried to make myself happy in this cca.
Doing all sorts of things that is funny.
People in the end think i am not serious in this cca.

But at the end of day, i don't feel happy at all.
I will just get stares by CIs whenever i do something wrong .
Doesn't i feel bad too.

Other people might says its your choice to let yourself enjoy/ dread going to cca.
CIs will always says , it not too late to change.
Change for the sake of changing.
Change for the sake of others.
Making yourself unhappy, to let others be happy with you .

I am sorry to wenyu.
Just because i was angry at that time.
And her voice irritates me , and i just say her , just to vent my anger.